"I can't believe how lame my uncle can be sometimes" Jade said mumbling to herself. Jade was walking down a dirt path in the middle of some very dense woods partly sulking due to yet another harsh reprimanding by her uncle. Jade continued her line of thought attempting to mimic her uncles voice "Jade we don't know what we are up against, you can't just run off blindly like this" she said aloud mockingly. Jade went back to her mumbling "it's not like we don't fight magic dangers on a weekly basis...". Jade continued down the path not noticing how quiet the forest had suddenly become as she went deeper into it. "She's probably just some old hag with a few moldy old spells..." She finally said angrily "She didn't even try to break into section 13! She just used some sleeping spell to make everyone fall asleep and her pet cat came into steal it..."
*Flashback to one week ago*
Everyone in Section lay asleep in their chairs, on their desks, or even laying on the floor. The only vigilant eyes left were the security cameras that captured everything that unfolded. After the thick fog had rolled trough the building putting everyone asleep a small black cat strolled into Section 13 and made it's way to the back of the building and down to the vault where the tailismans were being kept. Upon reaching the vault and finding it locked the cat turned it's back to the door and flicked it's tail causing the bell tied to it to ring, as soon as the bell rang the door made a loud click and slowly opened. The cat slipped into the vault and looked around, with another tail flick the laser security system and pressure sensitive floor were deactivated. The cat then hopped up onto the pedestal where the talismans were being stored until it came to the pig tailisman, quickly the cat scooped the magic rock into it's mouth and hurried back out the vault through the building and was gone.
*Present*
"Stupid Witch just runs off with the Pig Tailisman...." Jade said "and why it? the other tailismans were left alone..." Jade wondered. She kept going down the path knowing if Jackie knew she were out here looking for the witch he'd throw a major fit. "Some of the other Tailismans are just boss! Why the one with heat vision? Why not the Dog for immortality? Or the Dragon for Explosive Breath? What does this Witch need heat vision for?" Jade continued to ponder. Suddenly Jade came to a dead halt, there she stood at the entrance to a clearing in the woods, ahead of her was a house... made of gingerbread. "No way did she do this!" Exclaimed Jade "A gingerbread house?! How corny can you get?". The house was trimmed with a frosting and chocolate shingle roof and candy cane support beams in the air she could smell a absolutely delicious varieties of treats being prepared ((http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27884044/)). "Oh now I suppose if I go in their she'll try to tie me down and feed me till I'm fat enough to eat" she said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. "The photos never showed this is what her house looked like...." Jade said
*Flashback to several days ago*
"Here they are Jackie" Captain Black said "We finally found her". Captain Black handed an envelope of pictures. "how did you track her down?" asked Jackie Chan. "We had several shots of a woman in black approaching and leaving the building from our security cameras" Captain Black explained "after spending a few days reviewing satellite photos we found her on a.... broom... approaching a small house in a forest just outside of Salam Massachusetts...". "A witch!" Jade Exclaimed from behind her hiding place in Captain Blacks office "oops" she said after realizing her outburst gave her away. "Jade!" Jackie said upset "I told you to wait at uncles shop!". "Awwwwww" Jade complained "I want to go with you on the which hunt...". "No Jade" Jackie said "It's to dangerous"
*Present*
"I hope shes not to upset" Jackie said pacing around the cabin they had rented nervously "She was to gung-ho to run out and fight but I may have been a little harsh...". "Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya" yelled uncle "You are distracting me! How am I to find a good witch counter spell with you making all that noise??". "Sorry Uncle" Jackie said "I just didn't want Jade coming with us, if it wasn't for the fact I needed you and Toru here helping me with a magic spell to stop a witches magic I'd have left her with you in San Fransisco...".It was quiet for a few minuets. "So what have you found out?" Jackie said finally. "Aiiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Must you continue to interrupt me??" Yelled uncle again "If you must know... it's not good... I fear she is Necro-Amara, a 600 year old Witch who once tried to enslave the human race by raising an army of the dead to fight for her. She was stopped by a powerful Wizard who Split her in two". "Two?" Jackie asked. "Yes two!" screamed uncle and hit Jackie in the head with two fingers "stop interrupting!". "Sorry uncle..." Jackie said sheepishly. "Good" uncle said "now as I was saying... Necro-Amara was split in two, one body her evil and the other her powers, so that for eternity she would be forever obsessed with taking over the world but never posses the ability to do so... even if she gained new powers the curse would instantly rob her of them and send them to the other body, to prevent her from regaining her other body the one of power was chained to a rock in the underworld guarded by powerful golems. Even if she could get past the guards no black magic could melt the chains...". "Of course!" Jackie said "The Pig Tailisman is no dark magic it's a dragons power, and since the power is in the rock she never really possesses it, so she could be able to destroy the guards and get her powers back!". "Of Course that how it is!" Exclaimed uncle as he hit Jackie again "Don't you think I already figured that out?". "We have to stop her then!" Yelled Jackie. "Uuuuuncle is working on it!" said uncle "but we have a bigger problem... the curse prevents her from joining her bodies, but if she found a new vessel she could transfer the two bodies into it, but to do so she would need a young girl...". "Jade!" shouted Jackie.
Back in the woods Jade cautiously approached the house. "Well here goes nothing" thought Jade "I'll show Jackie this old witch is nothing to worry so much about". Jade quietly slipped in through one of the candy cane windows. "Geez hasn't this old hag ever heard of real building materials?" remarked Jade "Candy canes are not an effective window". Jade slowly crept further into the sweet smelling home. "Man those treats smell amazing" Thought Jade mouth watering. "Can I help you lil missy?" questioned a mysterious voice from behind. Jade spun around into a passive fighting stance and got ready to attack if she was threatened. "So looks like a sweet little girl has found her way into my home" Said the voice. It was a beautiful blonde haired woman in a black cloak, Balck shoes and a black pointed hat ((http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27884178/)). "Don't try very hard to disguise the witch look do ya?" mocked Jade. "Well at least I know better than to creep into a witches house without any form of protection" the witch shot back with a smile "I also wouldn't call them an "old hag" and upset them...". Jade turned a bright red and glanced around "Heh heh... heard that huh? Jade half mumbled tapping her fingers together. "Yes and I think you could use a lesson in manners" The witch said as she tipped the hat on her head back so she could get a better look at Jade "Well well aren't we a sweet little thing?". The Witch casually walked around Jade eyeing her up and down as Jade kept turning to keep both eyes on the witch. "You are quite the cutie...." cooed the witch. "Ya well you're quite the thief!" conjected Jade "what do you want with the pig tailsman anyway?". "Oh you're here about that?" the witch said surprised "I wasn't aware I had been followed". "You're darn right you were and whatever evil scheme you have cooking will be going up in smoke soon enough!" Jade said regaining her confidence and vigor "my uncle will take you out and any plans you have for ummm... melting stuff!". "Ah yes well no worries there sweetie" the witch coldly said "I was mistaken as to what it did". "Huh?!" Jade said losing her steam again. "Yes you see I read about them in my black magic book" the witch explained "They are Chinese and my book is Europe to American Dark Wiccan, so it didn't know much about them, Just said their were 12 mystic stones, the only info on them it offered was they were powerful, which animals were on them, and that the one stone Dark Wiccans knew about was some rat one that made objects move. But the pig one intrigued me and so I stole it". "Why only one? What about the others?" Jade asked puzzled "And why the pig? What did you think it did?". "Well" the witch began "First off all good witches know not to mess with powers they don't know much about so I felt safer leaving the unknowns behind, of course I had to take the pig and risk finding out what it did in hopes it would be what I thought it was, as for what I thought... I thought it would make people eat uncontrollably... it is a pig after all". "wha- but..." Jade stammered "...what?". "I wanted people to eat uncontrollably" she repeated "Simple, I am a witch, and to stay young I need the youth of other non witches, but people are like... umm... lollipops! yes that's a good comparison, people are like lollipops, the more you suck from them the more they shrink and the less is left, so if I am going to get a lot of youth I need a lot of people, or better yet one say... Young girl... who is very fat" She said she she began circling Jade again "And the younger they are the more youth they have, and if they are really big I can fashion their large body into a powerful potiant ball of life I can take all the youth I need, as I need it". Jade grew nervous wanting to get out fast. "So... heh heh, you really are like the witch from that fairy tale... what with the house and all..." Jade said as she tried to slowly make her way to the door "I wasn't aware fat equaled life...". "Oh you'd be surprised what secrets of the body have been lost in the pages of history" The witch said as she snapped her fingers causing a near by chair to raise up and throw itself under Jade knocking her into a sitting position in it. "In your face Rat Talisman" the witch mumbled under her breath. "You know I really should be going now" Jade said trying to get out of the chair that kept tilting backwards to keep her in it whenever she tried to stand "since you're not going to go around melting things I guess I'll just take it and be on my way...". "Really? but you just got here..." the witch said with a wicked smile "See my food can captivate people to eat it non stop but the trick is getting them to come to me and eat it, guess people aren't so trusting of a witch offering them sweets, that's what the tailsman was for but it turned out to be a dud. Luckily you Came to me and solved me all that trouble..."
"Uncle how is it going?" Jackie asked impatiently "Do you have a way to defeat her yet?". Jackie's question were meet with another set of fingers to the head again "uncle is working on it!" Uncle said as he put a dove feather into the mouth of a carp he had boiling in some strange potion "there now it's ready". "wha? really?" Jackie asked surprised. "Yes Really!" uncle quipped "It is a veeeeeery old Chi spell to dispel being who have allied themselfs with dark magic, most dark being can deflect it but Uncle is a chi master and I have super charged it so it should at least keep her busy long enough". "Long enough to do what? Cast some kind of banishment spell?" Jackie asked. "Long enough to punch her lights out!" Uncle yelled "It's not rocket Science! just stop her and save Jade simple as that!". Jackie stood somewhat in disbelief for a moment then regained his composure and with that he grabbed the fish and a magic incantation scroll. "Okthankyougoodbye!!" Jackie yelled as he rushed out.
"Now here you go my sweetie" the witch said as she placed her hand under Jade's mouth and held it in place while pushing a cupcake past her lips. "Just let the taste take your cares away and submerse you in a world of treats" the witch cooed. Jade panicked and tried to spit it out but the witch kept her finger on it and continued to force it through. Jade tried to push back with her tongue but that turned out to be a mistake. The instant Jade's tongue touches the sweet creamy frosting it was as if the drool flood gates in her mouth had burst open. Jade's mind was sent into a spiral of ecstasy. Visions of surgery sweet treats filled her mind ((http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27884245/)). Her stomach felt as it if was bottomless and needed all the treats she could stuff in it, NOW! Jade nearly took the witches whole hand off as she jerked forward to eat the whole cupcake. "Well well looks like the little princess found her appetite" she said happily, with a snap of her finger the chair became nothing more than a chair again and the witch stepped to the side to reveal a table covered in decadent treats as if by magic. "Eat up dear" The witch said, words Jade didn't need to hear to follow. With more eagerness and energy than she had ever show with fighting bad guys Jade dove for the table and began to shovel cupcakes, bon bons, hunks of cake, brownies, fudge, donuts, ice cream and everything else to fatten a little girl up good. Jade couldn't get enough of the magical treats. "Your quiet the eager little piggy huh?" The witch chuckled realizing it was a pig that lead the girl there "I guess the pig did work after all in a way" she said eyeing the Armour she had burned down when testing the Tailisman power. But Jade was to consumed by the very treats she consumed to notice "must eat, must eat, must eat!" she thought "it's sooooooooooooooo good I can't get enough!". Jade was also to involved in her eating to notice her belly was peaking out from under her shirt, the magic wasn't going to let her wait until she digested the food to turn it to fat, she had to have it turned to fat the instant it hit her stomach so as not to get full but even the magic couldn't fully keep up at the break neck pace Jade was shoveling the food in.
Jade keep eat for what seemed like an hour and in that time she had put on some serious weight. Her belly had swollen out from under her shirt and now spilled down to her thighs, her chin had grown and doubled over as her cheeks rounded out, her hips widened and plumped giving her the look of a somewhat older girl, her arms grew thicker and her fingers got a little bit more pudgier. Jade continued to shove more and more food into ever willing mouth. The witch could only look on in awe as Jade shaped up nicely "She really is gonna be a sweetie" she thought licking her lips. suddenly a ripping sound was heard, Jades pants had Split down the side ((http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27884332/)). Oh my we ARE a growing girl aren't we?" the witch cackled. "Well can go ruining our PG rating with a half naked minor now..." the witch said for reasons known only to the writer. Jade was to engrossed by the food to care however. "Well here we go" the witch said as she waved a wand at the tear and it closed up on it's own "and the pants need to go up a few sizes to prevent it from happening again!" which they did no sooner had she said it. Still Jade cared far more about the food in front of her than the clothes on her or the changes going on inside her. "My my you are so very focused on that food aren't you?" the witch said to Jade who obviously could care less "I think some more magic is in order for such a mind set...". The witch carefully placed her want in front of jade and tapped her nose, with that Jade's nose flared up into a snout and stuck out an extra inch ((http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27884487/)). "ha ha ha ha ha ha" the witch bellowed "oink oink my little piggy!" she smiled. But still Jade kept eating undaunted. "Well come on!" the witch said a little miffed "cry, scream, do something! you're getting really fat and you now have a pig nose don't you have anything to say?!?". "I do!" yelled a man. "Huh?" the witch exclaimed as Jackie Chan burst into the window((http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27884420/)). "Time to say goodbye Necro-Amara!" he yelled pulling the carp out. "Nercro-who??" The witch started but was cut off by Jackie's chant, "Yu mo guai guai fi det soue Yu mo guai guai fi det soue" he chanted as the carp glowed. "whats going on here??" yelled the question. Amoment later she got her answer, the carp shot forth a beam that enveloped the witch and destroyed her in a puff of smoke. "wha?" Jackie said amazed "either uncle is more powerful than he thinks he is or she wasn't Necro-Amara...". "chop-chew Nope! chew chew" Jade managed feeling her uncle deserved some explanation but quickly diving back into the food. "but if she wasn't Necro-Amara then who was she?" Jackie asked, Jade however just kept eating. "And what did she want with the Pig Tailisman?" Jackie continued, but Jade also continued to simply chow down. "I guess she was just a normal witch and the spell was a bit overkill... as for the tailsman" he said eyeing Jade "I think I can guess, so now that's she gone you can stop eating!". "No can do Jackie-o" Jade said at last. "but why not?!" Jackie asked frustrated. "don't want to Jade explained redoubling her efforts on the food. "Well your nose has returned to normal so her death undid the magic but why are you still eating as if under a spell?" Jackie asked inquisitively. But Jade was clearly done talking only concerned with her food now. "Aiiiiiiiiya it's so simple!" uncle yelled entering the home "the nose was cast as an active spell, upon her death there was no magic supporting the nose ans the spell was broken, but the food was baked with magic, it was made with special ingredients that exist weather the witch lives or not. "But... what about Jade?" Jackie asked "can you cure her?". "Cure her of what? her appetite? by time I find a counter spell she will have finished eating and it won't matter". "No the weight gain" Jackie said frustration raising. "What??" uncle exclaimed "she is gaining the weight naturally! it may be magic assisted but en the end it's real fat! If there was a weight loss chi spell you think I'd be running some little antique shop? Noooooooooooo I'd be out making biiiiig bucks helping people lose weight! She is fat now, unless she loses it naturally she will stay that way!". "But but..." Jackie started but could see by Jade any action now was useless.
20 minuets later Jade had polished off the last of the food and let out a satisfied belch and leaned back absolutely stuffed. "Now that was gooood" She said patting her swollen belly. "Great now lets get you back home and on a diet" Jackie said slightly relived. "No Jackie first we gotta stop by that Chinese restaurant in town!" Jade exclaimed. "but you just ate a mountain of food!" Jackie blurted out "How can you be hungry?!". "Mountain of food was magic food!" uncle chimed in hitting Jackie. "Uncles right Jackie" Jade said rubbing the mass of blubber that was her body "I'm famished and I need food, so lest go get some Chinese, first because I could use a good Chinese meal like back home and second it's the closest place to this side of town!". "Fine..." Jackie said "but you have to promise you and I will talk about what to do about your weight!". "Done deal" Jade said with a broad smile.
Later at the restaurant after much discussion and several many plates of food put away by the now past plump girl. "What do you mean you don't want to lose the weight?! you're huge!" Jackie said dumbfounded. "Well Jackie I just like it" Jade explained "It's like I'm covered in a squishy body pillow" she said squeezing a roll of fat "and now what we fight bad guys I won't be such a light weight! From now on when I throw my weight around I am REALLY gonna through my weight around!" Jade said. "But you... and the weight... oooooh I just give up!" Jackie said defeated. "Great" Jade said with a big smile and spinning around to strike a pose "now who wants fifths?" ((http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27884531/))













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...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this, Thy hand grenade, that with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits... in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths an
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"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." --Einstein, Albert
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"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." --Einstein, Albert
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"would you like a schmoke and ah pancake? Ah cigaret and ah flapjack? No? Then chere ish no pleasing you, NOW YOU MUST DIE!"
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